Couples in their 60s and the desire for personal space

Changes in the third stage of life open new doors to self-discovery and foster new dimensions in relationships

I’ve increasingly noticed that many couples in their early 60s go through a shift in terms of their need for closeness and personal space. This is probably because I’ve been experiencing this myself for some time now, which has made me more attuned to it.

I make this observation here on El Hierro just as I do in Germany. I believe it’s partly because, by this age at the latest, professional and family obligations ease up, and it becomes easier to sense what you need to feel more at home with yourself. Various aspects of the relationship that were important in the past have dissolved or changed.

The common ground in the relationship may now be reduced to children, grandchildren, or shared friendships. And it’s wonderful when you have a shared hobby, project, or focus.

I’ve found that it’s good to look at all of this as objectively as possible and ensure that everyone has enough space for themselves and their own needs. Allowing each other some time apart can be fruitful and healing. It offers a chance to reconnect with your partner after such a period with a sense of freedom, clarity, and renewal.

It’s well known that a little distance creates new mutual appreciation. On the one hand, for the partner’s perhaps surprising independence, but also for the shared intimacy, the sense of security, and of course the practical things you’ve built together.

We’ve already had several guests who’ve spent an extended stay here at the finca for precisely these reasons. It also takes a bit of courage to actually do this and to give in to the need for solitude, for reflection, in a remote place surrounded by wild nature.

Matthias and I are also learning more and more to accept each other just as we are and to find joy in what we can share together. It’s an exciting journey toward putting in less effort and being more honest about expressing our own needs.

Eylin